I got back from the spring break service trip, well, basically today since it was at 2 in the morning. But that’s not the point. I had the worst anxiety that I have ever tried to deal with on this trip. I am not sure why I freaked out so much, but I know it was not fun at all. All it took to set me off was too much noise. It didn’t even have to be extremely loud noise, just a whole lot of noise with no breaks. When I fell into one of these episodes I guess, I just felt terrified of nothing in particular. I guess it was the fact that I couldn’t get away from the noise. My boyfriend was actually a lot of help, but I couldn’t calm down enough to help myself. I thought these new anxiety meds that they put me on were working, but I guess they either aren’t strong enough or I was freaking out too much. Apparently I was not the only one having trouble with anxiety though; the last day we were working, they took a group of the 12 most stressed out and anxiety ridden students to play with dogs and cats at the humane society. I believe they just played with the cats, although I don’t really know since I’m allergic and chose not to play with them. I did, however, play with the dogs quite a bit. My two favorites had to be Jethro and Mia. Jethro was a beagle and something else mix and Mia was a pit bull. They were both just so loving. I couldn’t believe the scars that I saw on Mia’s neck from being tied up and abused. She was just the sweetest dog. All she wanted was to love and be loved. She was one of the biggest lap dogs that I have ever met. She would just climb up and sit on you and lick your face and love on you. At one point, there were three of us in with her, and she was just in heaven. I don’t know how someone could abuse a dog. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Don’t worry, we didn’t just play with dogs and take them for walks and play with cats. We did help out. We raked and cleaned up the yard for the dogs to play in. I thought it was so kind of the person in charge of everything we were doing to set this up for us. I still don’t know what made me so anxious or why I freaked out so much, but I do know that I will try to find out to make sure I can handle it next time.
I refuse to let my anxiety rule my life. I will find a way to overcome my anxiety.